I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
