remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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