By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
