i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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