Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
