Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
