Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
