i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
