the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
