Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
