Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
