I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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