I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
