Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
soo... how was my night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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