Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
