i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
