where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
