He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
