guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
