He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
