I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
