So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
