My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
