So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it was like having sex with a tree stump
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Houston, we have a blender
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
