Pregnant stripper...not hot.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
