How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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