You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
