someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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