I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Randomize
