she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
