If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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