im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dignity is for republicans.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
