you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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