But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
