I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
