I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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