so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
