Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
