Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
