Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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