I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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