i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize