You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
