I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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