These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
