Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone came in the potted fern
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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