break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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