I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Two words: blizzard sex
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
