Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You pole danced in your parka.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
there is puke in my bra ... again
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize