She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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