I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
