i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
