Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
