it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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