why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
