Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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