im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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