i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He passed out mid-signature
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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