This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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