yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
