Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
