I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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