You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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