His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
