i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
