Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
