I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize